Drunken Malocchio

There is this very dirty drunk. Let’s call him Malocchio (from bad and eye). Not his real name of course. He has many interesting hobbies like:

  • Drinking obviously.
  • Puking after drinking.
  • Yelling.
  • Pretending to be a rap singer. That one is pretty amusing.
  • Setting things on fire. Mostly paper.
  • Throwing things around.
  • Calling up people in the middle of the night.

Society is pretty soft on Malocchio. He should be in prison, right? Or a mental institution. Instead Malocchio can indulge in his many amazing hobbies day and night.

We should help him find a new job. For instance, delivering mail. It will be good for Malocchio: fresh air, healthy physical exercise and hopefully he will be drinking less. Maybe we should sign him up for Anonymous Alcoholics or whatever the organization is called. Some intervention is in order, otherwise his liver will go in five years or less. Not that I care. I don’t.

Why does Malocchio call people in the middle of the night? The alcohol must be keeping him awake. Anyway he has not much to do, except amuse himself with his hobbies.

I wonder whether somebody out there likes his rap singing. I guess he feels that it’s just a matter of time before he becomes a proper rock star, so he started drinking accordingly. You don’t want to own the hotel where he is staying. He will set everything on fire. It’s just an accident waiting to happen.

Why not combine a singing career with delivering mail? Then he could just hand out CD’s on his mail route. (Compact discs or CD’s are flat round discs that one can use to play the fun game of Frisbee or as a convenient coaster for your drinks. In pre-iPod times people used them to store and listen to music.)

In my very humble opinion I think that he should try heavy metal. Malocchio is not much of a rap singer. Also his texts are pretty stupid. He should just stick to yelling his name or something. Yodeling might work for him too.

Malocchio seems to like dribbling and throwing things. Maybe we should sign him up for basketball. It’s too late for a professional career on account of his liver and advanced age. Still it will be good for him to try out new hobbies.

Medical science can do amazing things these days. Maybe there is still hope for Malocchio, but I doubt it. The doctors could probably clone his liver and replace it. But even if they can, they would have to repeat the procedure in a decade or so. He is a lost cause.

OK, I will give it another go. Reality TV. People might like watching Malocchio on TV. Hopefully he will get sponsored by beer companies. But he is a bit of a snob. Malocchio tells people that he drinks wine. I guess that makes it OK to be an alcoholic.

I know that the politically correct thing to do would be to tell you how sorry I feel for Malocchio. That society made him this way or that he fell on his head a couple of times too many when he was a kid. But frankly I don’t care. To be honest I think it was his own damn fault. He shouldn’t have convinced himself that he could make it as a rap singer. OK, maybe the media is to blame. They don’t tell you how unlikely it is to make a living as a rapper. Even if you are really passionate about your art. Shame on you, media!

Disclaimer: names were changed to avoid unpleasantness although it is unavoidable. Proposal mentioned here are not meant seriously. I don’t care about the freak.

Information for March 27, 2013


By the author of NumPy Beginner's Guide, NumPy Cookbook and Instant Pygame. If you enjoyed this post, please consider leaving a comment or subscribing to the RSS feed to have future articles delivered to your feed reader.
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